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Thu, Jul. 25th, 2013, 12:11 am
So 3 years pass

I exist still. I remember that from time to time.

I am a person that never has stopped but I never feel I ever got going. I know, this sounds like those old phrases of my former writing, but I still feel these contradictions of myself inside even after all these years. I am this one thing but inside of me is against everything I am doing. And I am writing something right now that isn't a business email for the first time in many a year.

So I've been diving back into music to get through the day. All my favorites are all 40ish while I am ... let's say getting to be 40ish. Hayden released 'Us Alone' which is a loving tribute to his family and all his domestic life. If nothing else, he always wrote about what he saw in front of him, and he continues that tradition majestically. Wife, child, his home and the responsibility of the day-to-day. And there's nothing wrong with that really. It's honest and true and even at times fun. When I saw him in 2007 in Brooklyn he was boring and listless ... directionless. Like another action hero making the same action movie. 6 years changes a lot and this new album is better. A lot better.

But the sounds I have found of late are 'Radical Face' and 'Electric President' both headed up by Ben Cooper who probably is best able to represent how I am feeling more than any artist I've felt in a long while. E.P. is poppy, with Postal Service drum loops and chorus repeats that pull you in whilst waiting for all those NYC subway trains and elevators. RF is an acoustic guitar driven powerhouse of emotion and anthems I have missed so much. Hand claps pull both bands together. Unbeknownst to me, Radical Face has a huge Nikon commercial hit in the UK. It makes a lot of sense, I would them it to any commercial I worked on, just on principal alone.

And that brings this back to me. As I mentioned, I exist still. I am this being that breathes. Who is fatter, lazier, and definitely stupider. I don't have those long conversational emails with people anymore. I don't write anymore. I don't even get out of bed on time. I just do what I have to pay the bills. I drink entirely too much.

I do make more money. A lot more money than I ever did in Seattle, where I wrote nightly and at any chance I could. In 1999 somebody made fun of me because I was writing a novel on my lunch breaks. "What you are going to write the great American novel one hour at a time?" It didn't occur to me that I couldn't. But I did stop shortly after. Chapter 3 remains unfinished to this day.

Not that writing makes a life more of a life, but it helped me justify my existence. Now, I have conquered most of my fears. I am not afraid of people, meetings, notes, projects, responsibility, and even speeches. Nothing. It's all the numb day-to-day. When my bosses yell at me, it's because they pay so much, they are expecting all the more from me. They are expecting more money to roll in. I am no coordinator anymore ... It's OK, I get it. I just fucking hate you for it. And you people are worse than Hitler.

I don't mean to sound like I am bragging about my life. I do that because I am insecure of myself. I take great pride in my accomplishments because they are all I have. I worked extremely hard for where I am at now. I gave up all who I was to be here. And I want that to mean something. I want what I do and who I am now to mean something.

Oh. And I lost all my JFKco writings. I don't mean to say that off handily, but they are most assuredly gone. It's a bit cathartic as I use to destroy my writings as a youth. But as a mostly old man now, it's an enormous loss of who I was. I imagine that this is what Alzheimer's is like. I actually had to pause to remember what that word was.

So hello again. And goodbye. Until ... you know.

Tue, Apr. 6th, 2010, 02:05 am

"only the random ad man can sell depression for money."

Wow. Old words made anew.

Thu, Dec. 20th, 2007, 01:15 am
What brings you around

I graduated with honors and got a full-time job with the corporation I was with.

I worked hard for 9 months and got a promotion to manager.

I travel 4 hours a day now, to and from work.

I listen to music constantly; that and play solitaire on my phone.

I am exhausted most days.

I am responsible for things I consider important.

I like my job.

I am envious of people who achieved what I did ten years ago.

I know I couldn't have done this 10 years ago.

I am a random ad man now.

I sell the things that nervous mothers didn't know they needed.

I love it.

My main demographic is California and the midwest.

New York doesn't care that much about it.


Law school seems a million miles away from this place

Wed, Dec. 13th, 2006, 02:49 pm
Overheard in New York

I graduate next week. Woo.

Despite my *unbridled* excitement, I haven't had much cause (or time) to write anything important down. I do have some conversations overheard on the subway that need to purged however. So whilst waiting for my brain to recover from this awful awful thing called "final finals". Here's some tid-bits of "things overheard in New York" (totally different from all those websites dedicate to the same thing).

"Herpes is everywhere. Herpes is ubiquitous. Herpes is on myspace ... 'Herpes is in your extended network!' (lots of giggling)"
#1: Man, Tower is whack. 50% off a CD is still not enough. Look at those prices! Shit, it was $19 and you get ... 50% discount. So it's ... only 1/2 off. Shit.

#2: HA HA. You're an idiot. HA HA HA. 50% is like ten fifty. Idiot. (chimes of idiot from friends, peppered with much racial slurring).
I can't remember #3. I should have written it down somewhere.

Man, I'm tired. I'm going to sleep for a year when this is all done.

Tue, Aug. 8th, 2006, 12:12 am

5 days! Wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Mon, May. 8th, 2006, 11:33 pm
Shit ... right

Fuck. I miss English people involved with my life. I miss their stupid sayings and weird ... whatever weirdness.

Bollocks! What kind of world do I live in without their ... shite.

Mon, May. 8th, 2006, 11:08 pm
David Blaine ... the humanity

David Blaine lives near me. In fact, he lives in the building right next to me. Now, I don't know of the recent television special or of the liver damage he has recently incurred, or even of the holding of your breathe until your fingers turn all old man-y. But what I do know is that last summer I ran into the asshole with all of his bitches near him.

When I say "bitches", I don't mean regular girls who seem to adore his magical properties ... I mean of the hoochie mammas who seem to flock to him instinctively because of his high millionaire salary. In case you don't know what I intentionally meant ... I meant da hookers.

One night ... let's call it late September (but the Kir would know better because she remembers things properly and not "roundaboutly") ... David Blaine ran into me. And I mean I collided with the man because he's an idiot who can't seem to walk on the sidewalk with his two girlfriend's properly without running into local guys walking to the deli on a Friday night. Well, D.B. was drunk and fat as fuck and not all A.B.C. thin like (like my mother fucking subsidiary company told him to be) ... he was simply fat as shit and piss drunk.

We have seen David Blaine a lot ... riding on his cool-ass B.M.W. a lot ... riding with "da bitches". In fact, I could tell you some stories about D.B. coming home with many a "ho" ... but I'm a better man than that. Well not really, but I'll refrain for now.

I'll just say that, wow "what the fuck?". You aren't street magic cool anymore. Just let it go man. You aren't Houdini and sure as hell not, nobody gives a fuck what the shit you do anymore.


Those who live right the fuck beside you

Sat, May. 6th, 2006, 03:30 pm
Free webhosting

For whatever reason, I've had a webhosting reseller account for 2 years now and nary touched the bandwith/hd space on it (my plans for world domination through gravitybound.com didn't quite turn out). It seems such a waste so I'm offering free webhosting to whomever wants it (although I'll probably limit it to the people that I actually know or their very close personal friends at first).

What do you get:

- About 100mb disk space. Depending how many people respond to this, it may go up or down.
- About 2gb bandwith a month. Like above, this may go up or down. However, I doubt anybody is ever going to use that much.
- Your own account and access. Log in when you like, delete what you like, track users all you like (you little stalker).
- Email and database creation. I'll probably cap it at 10 and 3, but you can always ask for more. That means coolio@yourdomain.com is all yours! No more coolio1280@hotmail.com for you! Webmail is easy to setup and check. Mysql DB is for more advanced things like wordpress or a million other things you'll probably never use.
- Installatron. An easy to use way to automatically install crap. Galleries, wordpress, forums are all but one click away.
- Tech support. I can help you out if you need it. I've played with most of this stuff and even got wordpress to work pre-installatron days, so I kinda know what I'm doing.
- Uptime. The server barely goes down and I've paid for gravitybound.com until Jesus comes back, so your website is probably safe being hosted by me for a long time (unless, of course, George W. Bush is really the antichrist and the end is at hand).

What you need to do:

- Let me know you want space
- Register a domain name. I suggest godaddy (not a referral link) or let me know of your existing domain name.
     - Alternatively, you could be a subdomain of gravitybound.com. But that's not much fun is it? ... Living under the shadow and greatness of the "real" gravitybound.com. Knowing your domain is somehow "sub" compared to mine. Nah. That's not what you really want is it? Is it?
- Point the domain name to the numbers I give you
- Login and create your pages or copy them over.

Again, this is absolutely free, I don't expect anything from it nor should you feel obligated to give me something. However, if your really in the giving mood, you could paypal me a couple bucks to help pay for it. Or send me a mix cd or your old copy of Pearl Jam VS. because mine is all scratched up and I haven't heard it in 10 years or bake me some cookies or say something nice about me or Kirsten. I'm really not that hard to please.

So what are you waiting for? Go register something cool and join the information super Interwebs today!

Sun, Apr. 30th, 2006, 02:54 am
Shooshing and miscellaneous etcetera

I went home earlier this month. And when I mean home, I mean my hometown home. The place I've pretty much avoided for 13 years.

Of much more interest was staying in a mountain cabin owned by my new step dad's momfriend, or whatever the hell I should be calling her. Skiing Mt. Hood brings back very good memories for me though. I took the second ski lift to the top of the mountain and it was the clearest fucking day I've ever seen up there. And of course I forgot my camera. You could see Jefferson, Helens, Sisters and everything inbetween. Amazing.

They gave me these new idiot-proof skiis that were about half the legth of the old 90's ten feet ones. They're about a half foot wide too. I was like a freakin' pro shooshing back and forth down hills that used to tumble me before. My dad got angry at me because I initially refused to wear a bright blue ski shell that looked and smelled like it was circa 1989. Bastard snagged the black one and wouldn't let go of it no matter how much I whined. He's an obstinate man but can't stand that quality in others. I'm just offended by 80's clothes and those who make me wear them.

And that was April for me ... oh yeah, I danced in some weird empty night club for my birthday and scored a free champagne. That was fun too.

Sat, Feb. 11th, 2006, 09:55 pm
Since I live under a rock....

links for you to enjoy (that you probably already knew):

http://www.pandora.com <--coolness defined
http://www.davidlehre.com/myspace/play.htm <---hell yeah

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